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“Limerence is a psychological state of intense and obsessive infatuation with another person,” explains psychotherapist Lucas Saiter, founder of Manhattan Therapy NYC. While the state of falling in love or lust is often predicated on those feelings being reciprocated by a partner, limerence is specifically based on uncertainty about the object of your affections (a.k.a. your “limerent object”) returning your ardor. Also, limerence isn’t just a little crush—it’s all-consuming. “It’s marked by intrusive thoughts, emotional dependency, and a craving for reciprocation. It’s a near-compulsive cognitive and emotional fixation on a person who may or may not return the same level of interest,” Saiter says.Santa Claus Carpmas Merry Carpmas Ugly Christmas Premium Shirt
Psychologist Dorothy Tennov, who coined the term in her 1979 book Love and Limerence, described the concept as follows: “I don’t direct this thing, this attraction, to Emily. It directs me. I try desperately to argue with it, to limit its influence, to channel it (into sex, for example), to deny it, to enjoy it and, yes, dammit, to make her respond! Even though I know that Emily and I have absolutely no chance of making a life together, the thought of her is an obsession. I am in the position of passionately wanting someone I don’t want at all and could find no use for if I had her.” According to Saiter, Tenov created the term in order to describe a specific and universal experience of romantic obsession that didn’t fit within existing clinical definitions of love or desire. Tenov also noted that limerence can affect anyone, regardless of gender, age, ethnicity, background, or any other trait.
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