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As a state of mind, limerence can be characterized by irrational or intrusive thoughts, emotional dependency, uncertainty and fear of rejection. “If you’re in limerence, you might feel euphoric when interactions go well, devastated when they don’t, and aware of the other person’s behaviors, words, and moods,” says Saiter. “Your thoughts may be obsessive, and your self-worth can feel connected to their response. It’s often less about who the person is and more about how they make you feel.” Most tellingly, limerence is signified by idealization—you may become so obsessed with your projections that, ironically, you don’t focus on actually getting to know your limerent object at all. In this way, limerence can preclude genuine connection, as the person experiencing limerence may be so consumed by the intensity of their own feelings that they’re not really present or able to establish or deepen interpersonal bonds.Roy Keane Santa Hat Praising Santa For Delivering Presents Thats His Job Christmas Premium Shirt
The three stages of limerence are infatuation, crystallization, and deterioration. Infatuation refers to the period of falling for a limerent object; crystallization refers to the process of idealizing said limerent object or, as it’s often phrased, “putting them on a pedestal;” and deterioration refers to the inevitable emotional crash that comes with the loss of a limerent object as a potential solution to all of one’s problems. “Either the feelings fade or reality sets in,” says Los Angeles-based clinical psychologist Dr. Molly Burrets. Each situation is unique, and limerence can last anywhere from a few weeks to, in extreme cases, 15 years or even a lifetime. “The duration largely depends on the behavior of the limerent object and whether uncertainty is maintained. Uncertainty acts as fuel for limerence, so resolution—either through reciprocation or clear rejection—typically shortens the experience,” notes London-based psychotherapist Daren Banarsë.
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