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But I can’t help wondering: How many mothers (or, indeed, how many people) in our society have actually been able to internalize that food doesn’t represent a threat, and that being fat is just another thing you can be—an identity that doesn’t have to come laced with shame? And if our mothers weren’t given that message, can we really blame them for not passing it down to us? I didn’t have an almond mom, per se, but I did have its cultural antecedent, the “Snackwells mom.” My own mother may have succumbed to the diet-snack-food craze of the early aughts, but she understood pretty early on that I wasn’t particularly interested in discussing food or body size with her. As such, over the years she’s mostly left me alone about my weight and what I eat (something that I’m insanely grateful for when, say, I see a perfectly manicured woman at Starbucks hissing at her elementary-school-aged child that the hot chocolate she’s begging for “has too many calories”). Still, it probably wasn’t realistic to expect my mom to shield me from the world’s obsession with thinness, especially when she wasn’t immune to it herself.Trashy Grackle Smoking Grackle Bird Premium Shirt
I wish self-compassion and body positivity (or, at least, body neutrality) were virtues that American culture encouraged women to foster in themselves throughout their lives, and not just in deodorant commercials. But the reality is, many—if not most—people just aren’t 100% there yet by the time they have kids. It makes sense that being responsible for the care and feeding of a young person would bring up a swarm of unresolved body issues, and while I desperately wish that Starbucks Lady and all the other parents taking their fucked-up food and body-size values out on their kids would run directly into a qualified therapist’s office without passing Go, I also know that nonjudgmental, easily accessible treatment around disordered eating and body dysmorphia can be extremely difficult to access in the US—especially for marginalized groups.
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