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Haven’t you heard? New York is in the middle of a private-club boom. I could wax poetic about why: the pandemic, which made this city a more insular one; iPhones, which robbed going out of its discretion; the reach of social media, which turned getting a reservation at even an average restaurant into the Hunger Games. And I could muse that if New York nightlife is becoming a place where cash matters more than cool, we might be losing a piece of the city’s soul in the process. But I’m not going to do that. Because guess what—I joined two of them! I wrote my little application essays, name-dropped other members, sent in a picture of myself, and then handed over my Visa, which was then charged very promptly and expensively.Officials Nice Boobs Can I Try One Graphic Shirt
Why? The clubhouses, for starters. Many of them are beautiful spaces, housed in buildings by renowned architects and with interiors by famous designers. They offer world-class amenities—multiple restaurants! Omakase bars! Spas! Coworking spaces! Cinemas! Rooftops!—and have strict privacy policies. Casa Cipriani, for example, reportedly expelled three members after taking a photo of Taylor Swift. (She’s been spotted both there and at Chez Margaux.) Which leads me to the final selling point of the private clubs: exclusivity. More important than all those fancy rooms? The people in them. So with that in mind, I decided to do something that’s a lot more fun than plumbing the changing societal tides: poke fun of myself—and the rest of my next-gen closed-door cohorts—with a story about the types of characters* you’ll find at New York’s private membership clubs. After all, we can laugh at ourselves, right? Right?
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