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I was listening to Lily Allen’s album recently—as was, I believe, every woman between the ages of 30 and 50—and thinking about biscuits. You may have read, as I did, that certain chocolate bars in the UK have so little cocoa in them that recent legislation means they can no longer be labeled as such, and must now be called “chocolate flavoured biscuits.” And, listening to Lily sing about an open marriage (or, as its most commonly called today, “ethical non-monogamy,” meaning the people in a couple consent to their partner having sex with other people)—but one where the husband broke all the rules they had carefully put in place—it occurred to me that, in the same way a Club bar can not be called chocolate, labeling something ethical does not make it so. As an increasing number of people enter into open relationships without, perhaps, the trust or honesty or open communication required, is it perhaps necessary for us to call it ethical-flavored non-monogamy?Officials Library Lover Max Collegiate Hot Books In Your Area Visit Today 1 800 Luv Book Shirt
Okay, I love this question. This is something I could chat about for hours, because, beyond the relatively cut-and-dried “bonking my best friend” sort of situation, cheating can exist on a vast, shimmering spectrum. And people often don’t know where they stand on it until the cheating occurs! Your partner says they had a sex dream about a celebrity? Is that cheating? Maybe, for someone! Your partner ended a text to a coworker with kisses? Is that cheating? They got off with a stranger when horribly drunk? They slept with an ex when you were away? They have a whole other family living in Plymouth? The sex writer Dan Savage is very good on this topic. His advice is that couples should define sex as broadly as possible (so their sex life becomes richer and more interesting as more things than simple penetration count as sex), and they should define cheating as narrowly as possible. The fewer things a couple counts as cheating “the less likely they are to cheat on each other and, consequently, the less likely they are to break up over an infidelity.” Define sex broadly, he summarizes, and you get “more and better sex. Define cheating narrowly: more resilient relationships.”
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